Rebel with a Cause

James Dean (if you don’t know who he is, Google!) was the ultimate silver-screen rebel. But in real-life, being a rebel is anything but cool. It can lead you into situations that can have a lasting impact on both your health and your future.

Rebellious behavior is certainly not uncommon, especially among teens and young adults, according to Frederick Reamer, PhD, Professor in the Graduate School of Social Work at Rhode Island College in Providence. “Refusing to listen to your parents or teachers, hanging out with the wrong kinds of friends, shoplifting, abusing drugs or alcohol are all examples of rebellious behavior,” says Reamer.

Not all self-proclaimed rebels live with hemophilia or other illnesses, but many do, says Reamer, who explains that depression—which can often accompany chronic illness (as well as be an illness in its own right)—can often lead people to “act out.”

“Living with a chronic condition can be extremely difficult, especially because it can change or limit your life in ways you didn’t choose,” explains psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, PhD. “It can be emotionally, as well as physically, wearing—not only on you, but on your family and friends as well. The frustration and anger from feeling like you’re not in control of your own life can be expressed in numerous ways—including rebellion.”

Don’t think you’re the rebellious type? Just to make sure, here are a few of Professor Reamer’s “red flags”:

1. Isolation and/or withdrawal - Are you spending more time than usual alone in your room? Avoiding your friends? Skipping school?
2. Defiance - Are you ignoring or openly defying your parents, your teachers, or other people in authority? Have you run away from home, or are you thinking about doing so?
3. Hanging out with the wrong friends - Are you choosing friends who are into risky behaviors such as drugs, drinking, promiscuous sexual activity, shoplifting, etc?
4. Impulsive behavior - Are you making poor decisions without even thinking of the consequences?
5. Depression - Have your eating and/or sleeping habits changed? Are you drinking or taking drugs? Are you injuring yourself?

“Rebellion is often an attempt to take back some of the power that was stolen by the illness,” says Tessina.  “You can rebel against the illness by not taking care of yourself, but of course that makes your health worse.  You can act out your anger by making others angry at you, but that adds misery.”

If you feel that your life is out of control and you see that you’re making decisions that are neither smart nor safe, you may want to consider counseling, says Reamer. Look for a support group or a social worker, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist who has experience working with people with chronic illness.

“A supportive group or qualified therapist can understand what you’re going through, can allow you to blow off steam, frustration, anger, and resentment, and give you the opportunity you need to vent from time to time,” says Tessina. (Your local hemophilia association may be able to recommend a support group or therapist, or you can look for online support groups as well.)

Not everyone needs traditional counseling, Reamer acknowledges, and there are different forms of therapy—such as art or music therapy—that can help you express yourself in nontraditional ways, often with other nontraditional folks such as yourself.

Dr. Kathleen Hall, Founder of the Center for Mindful Living and The Stress Institute in Atlanta, offers these additional suggestions that can give you back a sense of control and purpose in your life:

Develop Awareness: Listen to what ignites your passion and creativity and practice it! Discover hobbies that make you happy and can take your mind off of what drains you or irritates you. These are the first clues to becoming more conscious of the nature of the life you now live.

Exercise Intentional Choice: Once you are aware that your life is the result of a series of choices, you can learn to take responsibility for it. You cannot control many circumstances of life, but you can choose your attitude and intentions in response to these circumstances. Surround yourself with positive family members and friends and embrace a positive attitude.

Create New Energy: New energy is the outcome of your awareness and choice. When you begin listening to your life, you become more aware of what you are eating, who you are living with, and where you go each day. Discover your new energy through hobbies, healing exercises such as yoga and meditation, and through the positive people around you.

Finally, says Tessina, have as much fun as you can (in positive ways!) every chance you get. 

“Make it a challenge to discover new ways to enjoy life, and to relax and laugh with loved ones!”